Channeling

I am an amateur songwriter who has dabbled off and on with various styles of music for the past several years. For me, creativity is very hit and miss. Sometimes songs come easily, other times I spend months trying to get them just right and never actually finish them. But I have had a few experiences with both words and music when I felt that I was receiving something from somewhere else entirely, like it was already written and I was simply "channeling" it. I have heard of other artists who have had similar experiences, and wanted to share a couple of stories.

Christian singer/songwriter Mark Schultz wrote a song called "He's My Son" several years ago about a boy he knew who had been diagnosed with cancer. He spoke in an interview about that song and said, "I say I wrote the song because on the CD it says 'He's My Son' by Mark Schultz, but the fact of the matter is I had nothing to do with it ... I mean, I can’t think of that stuff on my own. I think it’s just in those moments when ... I say, 'OK, God, everything that I’ve thrown up, I just hate it.' Then all of a sudden something like that comes out, and then I go, you know, what if I’m 80 and all I’ve done is come up with a song like that because You gave it to me? I’m really OK with that. That’s a life well lived for me." (The full interview is available at: http://www.cbn.com/700club/guests/interviews/mark_schultz_070103.aspx)

LDS songwriter Roger Hoffman shared a similar experience about writing the song "Consider the Lilies," which was recorded by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. "One day, as I was sitting at the piano in our chapel ... I found my fingers wandering over the piano keys. I noticed what I was playing and repeated it so I wouldn't forget it. Once the melody had become locked into my consciousness, words began to form in my mind ... I grabbed my pencil and began writing. As quickly as I could write, the words continued ... I was pleased that the message had been so well delivered, and gratefully acknowledged the power that had presented this song to my mind. I was about to rise from the piano bench and go home, when I felt a kind of downward tug, and sat down at the bench again. The message came clearly into my mind, 'I'm not finished yet.' I sat down and the [next] verse began, 'Consider the sweet, tender children Who must suffer on this earth...' I panicked. I was afraid to tackle so large a subject. I thought, 'My pen is too small to deal with a problem so great.' The thought came into my mind, 'You're not writing this, anyway.' ... So, tremulously, I continued ... [and as I wrote] I could not contain my feelings. The love I felt was so powerful that I was overcome. (Indeed, for the rest of the day, I felt somewhat removed from this mortal sphere.)" (The full story is available at http://www.hoffmanhouse.com/writingconsider.html)

To me, stories likes these are proof that God is in charge of this world and hasn't left us alone. Sometimes I wish I could control the ability to receive creative inspiration and "channel" on demand. But I am not the source of the light, and it is up to Him when and how such inspiration will be sent to mortal realms. If I am ready and willing, though, perhaps I will be given an opportunity to be an instrument in His hands.

Marriage

Falling in love is an amazing experience, but in marriage it's the ability to stay in love that separates the winners from the losers.

I have been married nearly 15 years, and I can honestly say that I know next to nothing about marriage. Fortunately my wife and I are very committed to each other, because if we had run at the first sign of trouble we wouldn't have even made it past our honeymoon! What little knowledge I've managed to gain has been learned the hard way, through trial and error. Being married certainly hasn't made me an expert, but here are a few "pearls of wisdom" I've managed to collect since I said, "I do":

-It is difficult, if not impossible, to have a happy life without a happy marriage.

-It is better to be her friend than to give her advice.

-I can't fix everything. Sometimes all I can do is hold her when she cries.

-It is better to make small adjustments along the way than wait until things are really broken before finally addressing a problem.

-I can't change my spouse, I can only change me.

-Love and sex are not synonyms.

-A bad marriage is worth trying to make better, and a good marriage is worth fighting for.

-A little help with housework can go a long way.

-When I'm not sure what to do to improve my marriage, it helps to think about the things I did for my wife when we were falling in love.

-Without trust, there can be no intimacy.

-It is better to give than to receive.

-If I'm not talking to her and spending time with her, I may have a marriage but I don't have much of a relationship.

-Jobs may come and go, friendships may begin and end, but marriages can last a lifetime (and beyond). Having a good marriage takes effort, but it's worth it!

Adversity

"If you will call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be." -John Heywood

Adversity is a part of our existence whether we want it to be or not. While some suffering may seem pointless or gratuitous, I believe it only appears that way on the surface because we do not understand God's plans for us. There have been times when I have experienced great difficulties and couldn't understand why. Yet in hindsight I have seen that my sorrows produced the fertile soil in which I could later plant the seeds of success. My suffering has also helped me to feel empathy for others and a desire to ease their burdens in any way I can.

At times, though, I have experienced losses so distressing that I fear I will never fully understand the reasons for them. I can only hope that someday, perhaps in the world beyond the grave, my perspective will broaden and I will see the good that came from those experiences, too. In the mean time I will simply trust that there is a purpose to my suffering, and perhaps that purpose is to teach me that I can be happy even in the most trying situations.

I believe that life can be amazing and wonderful. I don't expect to feel good every single moment of every day, but I can have joy much of the time. Waiting for fate to serve up satisfaction on a silver platter will yield very poor results, but recognizing that happiness is a choice can be quite liberating. Mental fitness, like physical fitness, requires constant work to be maintained, and no single effort can ensure perpetual results. Happiness is a lifestyle, not an event. It is a journey, not a destination. It is a choice, not a random occurrence.

A Father's Love

Every woman deserves to be adored by someone.

In an ideal world, every little girl would be adored by a loving father. As the father of two daughters, I can honestly say that my love for them transcends all boundaries. It doesn't matter where they go or what they do, it doesn't matter what happens in my life. Even in death, I will still adore them. Every little girl deserves to be loved that way.

My daughters are currently too young to date, but that will soon change. I pray that they will only date boys who respect them and treat them with kindness. I pray that they will obey the rules I set for them, understanding that those rules are to help keep them safe. They are not arbitrary guidelines or pointless restrictions, but expressions of love.

Someday I hope to be the father of two beautiful brides, and I pray that my daughters will choose wisely in this most important of life's decisions. If I could talk to my future sons-in-law right now, I would tell them to treat their mothers and sisters with complete deference in every situation. I would tell them to make the most of their lives, to learn to work, to get good grades and make plans to attend college. I would tell them to live clean lives, to use clean words, to be examples to those around them, and to come to know God and serve Him. I would tell them further that they will never be good enough for my daughters, but that if they spend their whole lives trying to be worthy of them, perhaps God will grant them grace and allow them to be together in the eternal world.

I pray that my daughters will be adored by their husbands forever, and I also pray that they will be adored by their children and always surrounded by love. Such is the wish of my heart, but fairytale endings are uncommon in the real world. I recognize that many experience hardships through death, divorce, or betrayal. Some are unable to find companions at all, and far too many women feel alone. If my daughters ever find themselves in that situation, even if I am not there to put my arms around them, I hope they will know that they are always adored by God.

Every woman deserves to be adored by someone.

Words

When I was young my mother taught me the common saying: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." At the time I accepted it as gospel, but with the passing years I have come to realize that it is completely false. Words can wound. Deeply. But they can also strengthen, motivate and heal.

Words are powerful. Their impact can be lasting whether they are written or spoken, whispered or screamed. Once they have reached their destination and been engraved upon a human heart, for good or for ill, they are impossible to take back. The average person speaks thousands of words each day, and millions in a lifetime. That translates into millions of opportunities to make the world a better place, to make someone smile, to touch someone's life.

In the information age we are constantly bombarded with messages of all kinds. We find positive and negative words in song lyrics and advertisements, on television and on the Internet, in newspapers, books and magazines, on billboards and in personal conversations. There is so much noise that silence sometimes seems like an impossibility. But this is also the age of personal music players, personal computers and smart phones. Such devices allow us to tune out the noise and choose which messages we want to hear. If we are selective, we can surround ourselves with words of affirmation.

There have been times in my life when I have used words to hurt others, and that is something I regret. Fortunately there have also been times when I have used words to encourage and inspire. Simple words like "thank you," spoken from the heart, can change lives. The words "I love you" can be misused, underused, or overused, but when spoken with unselfish sincerity they can cement the connection between two human beings and act as a salve to heal the bitter wounds of life. Words like, "I'm proud of you" or "I believe in you" can sink so deeply into our souls that they become a part of who we are.

I am certain that the saying I was taught as a child will continue to be passed down from generation to generation. But for those who recognize the true power of words, might I propose a slight alteration? "Sticks and stones may break my bones, and words may hurt me too. But when I speak with kindness it can help both me and you."

Goodness and Greatness

I would rather be good than great. I would rather be truly and deeply cared for by a few than lauded by millions. Such is the path I have chosen to walk, though I haven't always seen as clearly as I do now. At times I have been blinded by the glimmer of success on a distant horizon and neglected the things that matter most.

Greatness is the stuff of history books and heroic tales, and I have always felt a stirring in the depths of my soul to seek such a legacy. But goodness is remembered, too, though it may not be publicized. I don't have to change the world, cure a disease, or see my picture on the cover of Time magazine to be someone. The very best opportunities for making a difference are right in front of me. I have an impact on the lives of the people I interact with every day, for good or for ill.

There is a man who sits near me at work. We aren't on the same team, and our various duties are so different that in the normal course of business we wouldn't be required to speak to each other at all. But every day he walks by my desk at some point and says "Hi," or "Have a good weekend," or "See you tomorrow." For some reason his kindness and sincerity always leave me smiling.

When I've gone through hard times I have been supported by good friends who, even though they couldn't take away my pain, have helped to ease my burdens. They made a difference not by doing something "great," but simply by being there for me. I will always remember them for their goodness, and their example makes me want to do the same for others, to be there for them when they need me most.

There are many true heroes who sacrifice for others in small ways every day, yet their works are unrewarded and their names unknown. These everyday heroes make the world is a better place because of their goodness.

Hope

Tonight I took my daughter to Paul Cardall's "Celebration of Life" concert. It was a wonderful evening, the music was amazing and I am very glad I went. There were many talented musicians that joined Paul on stage. Among them were Steven Sharp Nelson, who of course played cello, and Marshall McDonald who played bass. At one point, though, Marshall McDonald played piano. I was hoping he and Steven would play their arrangement of "If You Could Hie to Kolob" that I love so much, but instead they did something that was quite humorous. The were joined by a bongo player (of all things!) and did a very entertaining version of Pachelbel's Canon.

I was moved, as always, by Paul Cardall's arrangement of "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing." A lot of other great songs were performed in a variety of styles. Some of them I was familiar with, and others were new to me. I was particularly impressed by the final piece, "Gracie's Theme." The ending was so incredibly moving that it immediately brought the audience to its feet. Then Paul returned for an encore and played a solo piano version of "Redeemer," his arrangement of "I Know That My Redeemer Lives." Several songs featured pictures and quotes projected on the wall at the back of the stage, and I was particularly moved by a painting I recognized called "Security."

I love live music performances; they can be so inspirational. Seeing others shine their light and share their talents makes me want to be better. Concerts like the one I saw tonight fuel my own creativity and remind me that I, too, have light to share. While I was watching the concert tonight I got an idea for a poem. I thought about it for the rest of the show and during the drive home. I couldn't rest until I had written it down. It is called "Hope":

I stand between worlds,
wanting to surrender
to the ache in my heart
but knowing that to do so
would be selfish.

To choose misery
when happiness
might have been mine
would be to cheat
only myself.

So I will dry my tears of sorrow
and replace them with tears of joy.
I will move past the pain of loss
and feel gratitude
for the blessings that remain.

I walk among shadows,
but no shadow was ever cast
without light.
I will seek
the source of that light.

I will turn my tragedies
into triumphs.
When life brings disappointment,
when despair threatens my peace,
I will still move upward.

I will trust
that God's plan for me
is better than my own,
though at present
it cannot be fully known.

I will not lament
the setting of the sun,
for only with its passage
can I see the beauty
of the moon and stars.

Morning will come again:
the night will be overcome.
The fear that holds me captive
only remains
because I have allowed it to stay.

When I look to the future
and see only darkness,
I will have faith
that light will soon appear.

There is always a reason to hope.

Unselfish Love

The world would be a happier place if we could learn to love each other more unselfishly. Love, real love, is like the motor oil of relationships: it reduces the friction between two people and heals hearts. When I am filled with love, I cannot be offended. Understanding comes easily, forgiveness comes naturally, and I feel more at peace with myself. I am even willing to make great personal sacrifices when occasion requires.

There are many different feelings encompassed by the term "love." Some of them aren't actually love at all, but simply masks for sexual desire. Such is not the "love" I am referring to.

Romantic love is idealized in poems and songs, stories and movies. It is the focus of much of our attention as a society, and it is easy for anyone who has ever loved to understand why this might be. Falling in love can be one of life's greatest experiences, a "natural" high comparable to few others. There is something quite amazing about being completely connected to another person in every way, on every level.

In ideal situations, falling in love means never falling out again. But reality is not always ideal. The excitement and effortless unselfishness associated with new romantic love must at some point confront the difficult realities of life. Every relationship requires work if it is to last, if it is to remain strong. We may be required at times to give more than we receive, and the reasons we are initially attracted to someone may disappear with time. Beauty fades, people change and life brings unexpected pain. The more unselfishly we love, the more likely our romantic relationships will be to withstand such opposition.

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, hearts get broken. Some breaches of trust cannot be healed. Yet even in such cases we can continue to love, because there is a difference between loving someone and allowing them to be a part of our lives.

What does it mean to love unselfishly, either in a romantic relationship or otherwise? I was reading a book recently called "Chasing the Dragon" by Jackie Pullinger, in which the author described a kind of love that she had never felt before:

After some time I was able to understand and was surprised by what I saw in myself. It was as if God had given special love for [this disadvantaged boy] and I was meant to show it, though it was not necessarily an emotion that should or could be returned. This love was for his good; it was quite different from any love for other people that I had before, where I had always wanted something in return. I had never before loved somebody entirely for his benefit without caring what he felt for me.

When we love unselfishly, we can continue to love even when we are hurt or disappointed, even when we are afraid to trust and uncertain what the future might bring. We can think not just of ourselves and our own happiness, but of others. That kind of love is the greatest of all, because it does not depend on the behavior of another person: it is unconditional. I feel that kind of love for my children, and I believe God feels it for me.

What's Your Story?

"In seperateness lies the world's great misery, in compassion lies the world's true strength." -Buddha

I am an avid people watcher, especially when I am visiting a new place. For some reason I am simply fascinated by the variety of individuals that I meet in public. Most of the time I am pretty good about not staring, but I give people the once-over and often ask myself, "I wonder what his story is?" Because everyone has a story, a series of circumstances and choices that made them who they are. And, of course, everyone's story is still unfolding, so as I pass them and see their expressions of sadness or indifference or excitement I wonder what challenges they are facing or what new things are happening in their lives.

While I was at the airport recently a shuttle driver took me to the parking lot where I had left my vehicle. As we drove he talked to me and told jokes. He was quite entertaining, and when I got off the shuttle I gave him a generous tip. I'm not saying that to brag, because I am hardly an authority on human compassion. For every moment where I've paid attention to someone's needs and reached out to them there are probably two or three where I just kept walking or chose to ignore the stirrings inside me that prompted me to act another way. But sometimes I get it right, and those are the things I want to write about.

By nature none of us is perfect; to be human is to be enigmatic. We all believe something that we don't practice, at least some of the time, and we all have weaknesses that oppose our strengths. Some may see this as lamentable, but I think God designed us this way on purpose. We need each other precisely because of those weaknesses, because others can make up for what we lack. Without weaknesses we would never learn to rely on God; we would never learn to trust Him or have faith in Him because we simply wouldn't need Him. Sadly, many people choose this path of independence and find ways to keep their weaknesses hidden--sometimes even from themselves. But the natural state of human existence is connectedness, and that requires an acknowledgment of our own weaknesses so we can fully accept and embrace the weaknesses of others, though sometimes those weaknesses will cause us harm.

Human compassion cannot be learned from a book or web site. Perhaps those sources could stir feelings or provide a window into someone else's suffering or humanitarian efforts. But real human compassion must be practiced to be learned; it requires us to reach out and try to bless the lives of those around us. I have found that it is very easy to give the gift of wealth, to write a check and feel good about having done something to make the world a better place. While many can benefit from such efforts, to truly feel compassion also requires a donation of time. For only in being with those whom we desire to help, only in serving them directly can we truly begin to understand them.

Everyone has a story that, if written, would occupy volumes. Sometimes I judge others, sometimes I question their motives and disagree with their views. But if I took the time to truly understand them, to learn their stories ... perhaps I would reserve that judgment for a higher authority.

Wandering

Today I was walking through the airport (on my way back from San Francisco) and saw a quote by J.R.R. Tolkein painted on the wall of a book store: "Not all who wander are lost." I stopped and wrote it down, because it struck a chord. Sometimes wandering can be quite enjoyable! I have always liked taking the back roads, and even though I might not arrive at my destination as quickly as I might have otherwise, I enjoy the journey much more.

Sometimes I am so focused on my destination that I ignore the path that leads me there. I can be quite driven when it comes to accomplishing goals, so much so that I acquire a bit of "tunnel vision" and forget to look around me, to stop and smell the roses. There is a story in one of my favorite books, "The Phantom Tollbooth," about a boy who visits an invisible city. Everywhere he looks people are rushing to get from one place to another, and nobody seems to notice that the city they are living in has completely disappeared. They are so focused on themselves and their "urgent errands" that it doesn't occur to them to look around!

I have taken a few vacations with my family where we have driven across much of the country (our longest trip was from Utah to Mighigan, and we spent a lot of time on the back roads). I have noticed that in smaller towns there is a fairly relaxed way of life, things move more slowly. It is comfortable and enjoyable for me, because I try to relax when I am on vacation and not pack too many things in. But when I approach a big city there is a feeling of urgency. Cars drive faster and the tension slowly builds until the city is behind me, then it diminishes again. That's the speed I live my life at, except when I am on vacation. And I rarely stop to ask myself why I must complete my personal tasks and assignments and errands so quickly.

So today I commit myself to doing a little more wandering, to get off the beaten path once in a while and explore the unknown wonders with no particular purpose in mind. I commit myself to enjoying the journey as well as the destination.