Christmas Memories

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. It helps that gifts are given, school is temporarily suspended and the holiday basically lasts an entire month. The lights, hot chocolate, caroling and family dinners are enjoyable, too. For me, Christmas has everything you could ever want in a holiday -- IF you don't let the "Christmas crazies" get to you. When I was a kid Christmas was absolute pure joy. There was nothing negative about the holiday (except that it never came fast enough), but as an adult I began to feel a little differently about it. I would often find myself searching for that impossible-to-find toy for one of my kids at every store this side of the Mississippi. Sometimes on December 23rd I would be at Wal-mart at 2 in the morning wandering aimlessly and zombie-like through the almost empty aisles, searching for that perfect gift. It was, in a word, stressful. And I didn't like it. I needed a way to make the holiday magical again, and I found it by participating in the Sub-for-Santa program at my workplace. Now I was buying gifts for disadvantaged children, and suddenly Christmas took on a whole new meaning -- one that it didn't even have when I was a kid. I love seeing the joy of Christmas through a child's eyes. I love being a part of that joy, and those moments when they receive a gift that they fall instantly in love with are priceless. One of my most memorable Christmas holidays growing up was the year I turned 13. It was, as anyone who knew me back then will tell you, a difficult time for me. I was trying to figure out who I was, and instead I figured out who I wasn't -- which was at least a beginning. Eliminate the things you don't want in life and eventually you'll be left with the things you do want. At least, that's the theory. I was angry at the world and there was absolutely no reason for it, other than perhaps puberty. I got in fights at school, I skipped class, and dressed in black the entire year. I was disrespectful to authority and got caught up in an "eye for an eye" mentality. It led me to do things I deeply regret. The greatest gift I have ever received was the gift of being caught while doing one of those things, and it was the beginning of a reformation in my life. I had a wood shop class in school that I loved, and my parents were planning to give me a band saw for Christmas that year. When they learned of my bad behavior, they took it back. I knew that on Christmas morning there would only be a few gifts for me under the tree, and I completely agreed with the decision my parents had made. But I enjoyed Christmas anyway, just as much as I always did. I enjoyed seeing my family members open their gifts. I enjoyed being with them. I enjoyed the Christmas lights and music and caroling like I did ever year. It was still the holiday I loved, even without the band saw that I had previously thought I couldn't live without. My sister and I shared a room until I was 12, when we moved to a larger house. We were grateful to have our own rooms after that, but on Christmas Eve we slept in the same room by choice. "Slept" might not be the right word, as Christmas joy filled us with excitement and anticipation--two emotions that aren't very conducive to sleep. My parents had a rule that we couldn't wake them up before 6am on Christmas morning, and it was quite possibly the most difficult to keep rule they ever made. Most of the time we had Christmas at home, but I remember going to Virginia one year, where my mom's parents lived, at Christmastime. I was fairly young--somewhere between 9 and 11. I got a chemistry set and an electronics kit that year. I remember sitting in the living room in the dark listening to Mannheim Steamroller and watching the snow come down outside, highlighted by the streetlight near our home. I remember feeling so at peace in those moments. I remember Christmas lights and Christmas caroling. Someone always had the bright idea to sing "O Holy Night," and it always fell apart at the climax, with those pesky high notes that are just out of reach. I remember going caroling with my French class one year in sub-zero temperatures. I loved the French Christmas carols such as "Noel Nouvelet" (Sing We Now of Christmas) and "Il Est Ne" (He Is Born). We always went to my grandpa's house on Christmas Day for dinner (he lived about an hour away from us). It's a tradition that has continued into adulthood. I learned to play piano primarily so I could play hymns, but with a secondary goal of being able to play Christmas songs. It's no coincidence that when I wanted to release an album of new age piano music, I decided to make it a Christmas album. Christmas is rich with meaning and tradition and joy, and it will always be close to my heart. The first Christmas I remember was when I was 3. I got a pair of toy pistols, a cowboy hat and a spring horse for Christmas that year. When we moved a few months later, I stood guard over my spring horse to make sure it wasn't left behind. It was the last thing loaded on the truck. Most years we would go to Park City the week after Christmas and spend a week in a condo, skiing and playing board and card games. I loved sitting in the hot tub until I was about to pass out from the heat, then diving into the snow to cool off and getting back in the hot tub again to warm up. I loved spending time with family, and my Christmas memories are truly some of my most treasured experiences. Every year, Christmas comes a little bit faster and goes a little quicker. Every year it's a struggle to find real meaning in the season without getting caught up in the stress and commercialism. But it remains, and will always remain, my favorite holiday and my favorite time of year. As I'm writing this, Christmas Eve is upon us. Tomorrow the holiday will come and soon another Christmas will have passed. I look forward to the many wonderful Christmases ahead.