Fatherhood

A friend of mine at work is about to become a new father. Seeing his excitement and anxiety brings me back 13 years to when my wife was expecting our first child. We didn't know what to the future would bring, but we couldn't have been happier. At 19 years old I didn't make much money and didn't know the first thing about raising a child, but my wife and I loved each other and knew that we would do everything we could to give our child a good home.

I still remember seeing my daughter for the first time in the delivery room. I was overwhelmed with emotion, and I couldn't believe I had helped to create something so beautiful. (Yes, new parents think their babies are beautiful even when they're still covered with slime.) Since that time, my wife and I have had two more children. Fatherhood has been one of the great blessings in my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

The best way to prepare to be a father is to be a good, honest person who cares about others. Every new father hears about midnight feedings and diaper changes and worries about getting enough sleep. Babies are a lot of work, but it's a labor of love. There are also smiles and laughter and sitting up for the first time; first hugs, first words, first steps, first Christmases and first birthdays. Babies bring joy that only their parents can fully appreciate.

My wife breast-fed our daughter and sometimes this left me feeling somewhat inadequate as a new father. I couldn't help feed the baby, and since food was her primary need I didn't feel like a key part of her life when she was very young. I still remember the first time my wife left me alone with her. At first everything was fine, but as my daughter got hungrier she started crying and I didn't know how to make her stop. I took her for a long ride in the car, and this calmed her down a bit, but the moment we got back home she started crying again. After the longest three hours of my life, my wife came back home and made everything better.

As my daughter grew, I was able to interact with her and started to feel like more than just the hired diaper changer. When she decided to start teething instead of sleeping in the middle of the night, I used every mechanism at my disposal to get her back to sleep. We had a wind-up baby swing that would help her sleep for a while, but every time the swing needed to be wound again she would wake up crying. Sleeping for 15 minutes at a time made the nights both short and long. Long because they never seemed to end, and short because when it was time to go to work I didn't feel like I'd slept at all.

Through the years my daughter and I have had many more “firsts.” The first time we built a snowman together, the first time we danced together, the first time we prayed together. It seems like she was a baby only yesterday, but last month she had her twelfth birthday. Yesterday, she performed with her school orchestra and played her first violin solo. As the proud father filming her from the back of the gym, I couldn't help but feel the same emotions I felt when I saw her for the first time in this world.

As she grows, there will be more firsts. Her first driving lesson, first date, first kiss, first time living away from home. To my friend who is expecting his first child, I can only say: love that child and treasure every moment. They grow up too fast, but that's the way it's supposed to be.