Forgiveness

The words "I forgive you" can be easy to say but hard to feel. Sometimes, despite my best efforts, I find myself harboring resentment towards others. When I've found it easy to truly forgive someone it has either been because I didn't really feel wronged, or because I felt so much love for that person that I was effortlessly able to let go of any resentment that might have otherwise existed. It is most difficult for me to forgive when I feel deeply wronged by someone with whom I don't have a strong connection.

The optimist sees the best in everyone, the pessimist sees the darker side of human nature, and the realist recognizes the truth that people are enigmatic. The same person can be cold and self-serving in one situation and warm and compassionate in another. I was once confronted by a co-worker because he felt I had followed him too closely while driving into the employee parking lot. It was a thoughtless mistake, but his angry response surprised me. Later that same day, as I was still emotionally recovering from that experience, I overheard a group of people praising him because he had just donated a large amount of money to help underprivileged children. It was easy to feel resentful when I saw him only as an angry and spiteful person, but when I discovered that he also had a softer side it left me quite confused.

I understand the importance of forgiveness. I recognize that the person I am hurting most when I refuse to forgive is myself. I have read countless stories of burdens that were lifted through the power of forgiveness. I consider myself a religious person and strongly believe that if I am to receive forgiveness from God, I must forgive others. These facts are undeniable, and yet sometimes I still struggle to truly forgive in my heart.

A few days ago, for the first time in my life, I prayed for my enemies. I have never done that before, mostly because I didn't think I had any enemies. But there are a handful of people who I feel have wronged me, and after I prayed for them I could tell that my thinking towards them had changed a little. If that single prayer had so much impact, I wonder what a lifetime of praying for my enemies might be able to accomplish.

I have felt the sweet joy that comes from being forgiven for my mistakes. For years I carried a burden of guilt because of the the way I had mistreated a friend whom I had lost contact with. When an unexpected opportunity came to apologize, my friend simply said, "Of course I forgive you." They were some of the most liberating words I have ever heard, and I know I would be happier if I could find a way to say them to myself and to others--and truly mean them--on a more regular basis.

"When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future." -Bernard Meltzer