Relationships

When my children were younger I used punishments and rewards to get them to do what I wanted. As they grew older I began to develop better relationships with them and learned that they were much more likely to listen to me when I took the time to understand them and to showed them that I respected them. They, in turn, began to respect me, and now when I ask them to do something they are much more likely to listen. I still use punishments and rewards in certain cases, but when my relationships with my children are on solid ground I don't usually have to resort to such measures.

Similarly, when I take the time to invest in my relationship with my wife the results can be quite amazing. When we're not communicating or spending time together, even little things can lead to big fights. But when we're treating each other the way we should--when we're talking openly about our feelings and seeking to truly understand one other--even large obstacles can be easily avoided. When I feel loved I'm less likely to be offended, and my wife and I can have difficult conversations about parenting, money or in-laws without having them turn into arguments.

In many areas of life the natural tendency is to focus on differences. Quite often those differences are a very small part of our relationships, yet somehow they seem to occupy the bulk of our time and attention. Religions, governments, businesses and marriages could all benefit from a "common ground" approach to resolving conflict. Focusing exclusively on differences has a tendency to polarize two parties, but increased understanding can be gained when discussions about sensitive issues are preceded by a review of areas of agreement.

The best things in life never come easy, and relationships are no exception. However, they can bring us incredible joy if we take the time to invest in them. Often it's the little things that matter most: quality time, kind words, thoughtful gestures, listening, caring, and seeking to understand before seeking to be understood. These small investments can strengthen our relationships so that they can withstand the storms of life.